Unexpected

this was not what I thought I'd blog about this morning.

you'll notice the lack of punctuation and maybe grammar aside from autocorrect.  this is because back in Portland this is how I wrote.  it was faster.  at the time my thoughts could wander off subject in a moments notice and id forget what I was writing about, which was all about capturing a memory and keeping it,because I knew even back then that memory was a fleeting thing and that most people didn't realize that your brain plays tricks with your memory.

memories aren't like video tape.  you think you remember something precisely how it happened, but you don't.  your brain takes images and feelings and emotions and makes an amalgamation for you, and it's almost never exactly how you remember an event.  this is true of everybody, including me.

so I've been keeping a journal, of sorts, for over 20 years.  it started in college.  at least I think that's 3where it started.  It must have, because I didn't have regular access to computers before that, right?  but it ramped up in Portland.  bought my first computer there.  played quake all night.  aol chats that never went anywhere except for one perv who I almost thought was going to rape me.  general tso's chicken Saturday mornings during laundry with a hangover and mst3k on the tv.  and greg.

I only met him twice.  one night was pretty intense.  by that I mean the sex.  the second meeting was a chance encounter after picking up comics and having lunch at burgerville.  while I really wanted to do a replay of that first night, I was on lunch break and had to go back to work, and greg was heading out of town that night, I can't remember where he was moving to but it was in California.

we had some common online friends and one of them told me, after I'd moved to dallas, that greg died in a car accident.  this made me sad of course, but not despondent, because I mean, it was just one night.  just felt really weird to think that somebody I did that with was dead.  like some kind of retrograde necrophilia.

get to work this morning thinking I'm gonna post something about dale briefly chatting with me last night and during my regular surfing I see greg, naked on a bike, doing portlands naked people riding bikes event.  I'd have written it off as a doppleganger except for the very distinct tattoo, plus I knew greg liked both nudism and biking so it made sense.

there's nothing else here.  I didn't get all weak kneed or tear up or anything, I mean yeah it was good sex but it was just one nihgt.  I'm glad he isn't really dead.  he seemed like a nice guy.

its just a really weird feeling.