Saturday, February 13, 2016

I've reached a New Low


It doesn't even sound like a proper weight.  280, yes, 265, yes, but not 270.  I think I have some form of triskadelaphobia or whatever it's called...  irrational fear of certain numbers.  I remember 28... it felt wrong and I didn't know why.  28 was not an age.

Also, black eye.  Fell flat on my face TO THE FUCKING FLOOR tripping over a broom that had fallen into the floor.  It caused a cut over my eye that made me look like a crime scene.  I used a whole Swiffer tampon cleaning it up!

Keifer Sutherland passed by my studio and waved and said "Hi buddy" to me yesterday.  All the girls in the news section were acting like president showed up.  He's not as tall as Jack Bauer.  But from what I heard (since my studio has no real sound proofing) he's a really good guy.

Passed a kidney stone, I think.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

So, yeah.  280.  If not for the fact that it doesn't run in my family, I would worry that I caught The Sugar, i.e. diabeetus.  But no, as much as my doctor can't believe a fatty like me can have proper insulin absorption, I can.

My time off will get me back here just in time for the big Sketch comedy thingsirmadoodle.  I forgot what it's called, but MARIA BAMFORD will be here!!!

In other news... RIP Amanda... sad now.  Oh.  Spoilers.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

I would walk a thousand miles

According to my pedometer, I've walked 25 miles so far this week.  My weight has been down to as low as 290, but 295 seems to be the average.  And now, Ash Vs. Evil Dead.

Saturday, September 12, 2015


I have always known the World Trade Centers, mostly through monster movies.  The first was King Kong, from 1976.  Was the movie good?  It was good for a five year-old kid, sitting in the front row of the only Winchester movie theatre at the time.  I had read about it's production in Famous Monsters magazine (yes, I was reading at five years old), and waited in extreme anticipation for the giant robot Kong deLaurentis built for the scene where they unveil Kong to the public.  Admittedly at the time, you didn't have C-3PO or other robots that seemed alive, but KK was so fake I actually remember saying "God that's stupid" when I saw the giant KK robot.

But I was still amped for the movie... because I wanted to see Kong astride the Two Towers... like in the poster!

This scene did not happen.

In fact, KK was DWARFED by the WTC.  He was fucking tiny.  What a ripoff.  How could he fight Godzilla again if he was so small?

Of course, Toho Studios wasted no time in ripping off KK's campaign for their release of the worst Godilla movie, and the first I ever saw, Godzilla vs. Megalon.  

I've narrated my feelings on that day, 09-11-2001, before, but I thought I'd just say how much it just was... weird... to know these giant Saltine boxes that were a symbol of American ingenuity, engineering, and icons of our largest city were gone.

Also I'm 44 now.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

The new record


I am not trying to lose weight, I am in fact making sure to eat, knowing that the anti-depressant robs me of appettite, just when you're lazy and just eat fruits and veggies because you don't have to cook them you're accidentally healthy.

I guess this is the feeling doctors have when they expect but find no trace of diabetes in me.  "What, fatty?"

Saturday, August 29, 2015


Instead of watching Tombstone, I am watching the Alex Proyas movie, Knowing.  Nick Cage plays a good drunk, as well as a good alcoholic (there's a difference).

My love seat finally arrived, and it is kind of grounding me.  I just had to order the one color that was new to the line, so it was back-ordered until now because it was so popular.  I guess Oakland doesn't have too many furniture stores, not many choices aside from Salvation Army, if you don't mind lice and bed bugs.

Just having this piece of furniture is making me feel almost normal.  Like I've got my life together finally.  I just went potty and looked at myself in the mirror...  my stress-pimples are disappearing since this morning.  That's kind of extraordinary.   Of course I hope it continues... I'd like to actually go out to a beer bust or something (not that I'd drink much beer because yuck)(unless it's Henry Weinhardt but they don't have that on tap).

Of course, I do not want to get into a relationship.  I'm obviously not good at that.  Or wasn't, I guess, and am scared of trying again and getting burnt.  But a beej isn't outta the question.

Not that that hasn't been repeatedly offered, for some reason.  I just haven't taken anybody up on it.

Tomorrow I have to go to Michael's and get a new vinyl album frame for my FNM vinyl.  I think seeing Dale from afar build his vinyl collection is influencing me to do the same.  I am lucky to live in a city with two Amoeba Records... it will feed any addiction I might have along that route.

Now I think I am going to settle down on the new couch-ish and watch a Godzilla film, after Knowing ends.

Thursday, August 27, 2015


There are things they don't tell you before you move to San Francisco.  Most people, like I did, ask how scary are earthquakes,  and they tell you, "Eh, not so bad."  The one that hit the other morning was 4.0, and I am not kidding when I said it was pants-shitting scary.  I absolutely would have shit the bed if I hadn't dropped heat minutes earlier.

Oh, and the place smells like shit.  This is not a euphemism for anything;  the drought has meant that the sewer system gets no runoff water to lube the pipes, and the crap starts clogging the system and you can smell it walking to work from the subway.  And the poopiest part of the city?  Where I work in the Financial District.  Yay, we're number One... at smelling like number Two.

And then there's the homeless problem, which probably isn't helping matters with the poop smell.

Oh, and it turns out that mentally ill people regularly fling themselves in front of subway trains to commit suicide.