Saturday, August 27, 2016

Coming from behind, Butt Fiction (oops wait)

So talking about the Butt Fiction backstory (i.e. TR finding to his glee that the Fayette Mall Food Court sold beer on Sundays) got me thinking about another time with Teddy, where we did go to Hooters afterwards, all the way back in a snowy day of 1995 to watch 12 Monkeys.
This was a good example of why you should never underestimate somebody, because I knew little enough about the movie except a.) it was based a short French film, which is never a good sign, b.) it was a Terry Gilliam film, which always means the audience has to think, and c.) and d.) which I will come up with later.
I totally expected TR to sleep through it and indulge me, as I would indulge him with titties later.
IIRC, we were in Lexington to actually go to Hooters first and THEN the movie, but we got there early enough to get a matinee. Or a manatee. No, it was definitely a matinee, although if I was still driving that old Ford truck at the time we could have taken a manatee also.
The reason I still love the movie so much after all these years, besides the memories of seeing it with TR at the time, is that it treats two subject matters in the absolute correct way. One, time travel. Even if traveling through time was possible (sorry fellow Whovians, it's not), manipulating and changing past events would not be. I can go into why some other time, but I knew this already going into the theatre.
Something I didn't know at the time, however, is how your memories fuck with you. Think of it: how many times have you almost resorted to fisticuffs arguing over a memory you ABSOLUTELY know is true, yet somebody else who was also there contradicts it, because their recollection is ABSOLUTELY true and is in fact the correct one so fuck you?
That statement got away from me.
My point is, memory likes to play silly buggers with all of us. It's not a video recording we play back later; it is an amalgam of the actual event, but also feelings we have had about similar situations, and other related memories and facts we know about the world, and what ice cream we last had, and why do people in the NE of our country hate soft-serve so much when you can get it dipped in chocolate, and on and on with other things that don't matter that get all mushed up because our brains are still not smarter than our phones, where we can catch invisible imaginary animals in tiny imaginary prison-balls, whom we summon to fight other imaginary animals in events that are only *slightly* less goofy than "Professional Wrestling."
(I make fun of that in the utmost respect for the business, because when I met John Cena while living in Boston, I looked at him and said to myself "this little nerd is a wrestling superstar?" He was tiny. BUT, it was probably off-season, or between PPV fights, besides what does it matter, Alfalfa from The Little Rascals could probably kick my ass. Note: He was still very, very hot. Cena I mean, not Alfalfa.)
Sorry, typing with one hand is distracting, I got away from my point (well, not all of them, but shut up Kenny). James Cole, played as an adult by Bruce Willis, keeps having flashbacks about the terrorists in the airport when he was a kid. And as the story goes along, the terrorists change with time, each memory being different. Every flashback showed a different villain from young James Cole's eyes, until he finally realizes HE is the terrorist that he, as a child, saw, and realizes in his last breaths that he'd seen his own death as a child.
Oh. Spoilers, sorry. Also, the Enterprise blows up and it was all a dream by Patrick Duffy.
So I left and got in my truck (because driving a parking lot's length was TOO MUCH for my fat ass at the time, I mean, we didn't even have Pokemon Go back then, was I supposed to walk all the way across a parking lot *for my health*?) and we went to Hooters. I totally expected Teddy to just try to get laid or at least look at titties non-stop, but, after placing our orders (mine is always the cheese-steak sandwich and curly fries), he could not shut the fuck up about how much he loved the movie. And he got it, completely (well, at the time, I am sure he's forgotten the movie by now).
Also he looked at titties.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

I've reached a New Low


It doesn't even sound like a proper weight.  280, yes, 265, yes, but not 270.  I think I have some form of triskadelaphobia or whatever it's called...  irrational fear of certain numbers.  I remember 28... it felt wrong and I didn't know why.  28 was not an age.

Also, black eye.  Fell flat on my face TO THE FUCKING FLOOR tripping over a broom that had fallen into the floor.  It caused a cut over my eye that made me look like a crime scene.  I used a whole Swiffer tampon cleaning it up!

Keifer Sutherland passed by my studio and waved and said "Hi buddy" to me yesterday.  All the girls in the news section were acting like president showed up.  He's not as tall as Jack Bauer.  But from what I heard (since my studio has no real sound proofing) he's a really good guy.

Passed a kidney stone, I think.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

So, yeah.  280.  If not for the fact that it doesn't run in my family, I would worry that I caught The Sugar, i.e. diabeetus.  But no, as much as my doctor can't believe a fatty like me can have proper insulin absorption, I can.

My time off will get me back here just in time for the big Sketch comedy thingsirmadoodle.  I forgot what it's called, but MARIA BAMFORD will be here!!!

In other news... RIP Amanda... sad now.  Oh.  Spoilers.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

I would walk a thousand miles

According to my pedometer, I've walked 25 miles so far this week.  My weight has been down to as low as 290, but 295 seems to be the average.  And now, Ash Vs. Evil Dead.

Saturday, September 12, 2015


I have always known the World Trade Centers, mostly through monster movies.  The first was King Kong, from 1976.  Was the movie good?  It was good for a five year-old kid, sitting in the front row of the only Winchester movie theatre at the time.  I had read about it's production in Famous Monsters magazine (yes, I was reading at five years old), and waited in extreme anticipation for the giant robot Kong deLaurentis built for the scene where they unveil Kong to the public.  Admittedly at the time, you didn't have C-3PO or other robots that seemed alive, but KK was so fake I actually remember saying "God that's stupid" when I saw the giant KK robot.

But I was still amped for the movie... because I wanted to see Kong astride the Two Towers... like in the poster!

This scene did not happen.

In fact, KK was DWARFED by the WTC.  He was fucking tiny.  What a ripoff.  How could he fight Godzilla again if he was so small?

Of course, Toho Studios wasted no time in ripping off KK's campaign for their release of the worst Godilla movie, and the first I ever saw, Godzilla vs. Megalon.  

I've narrated my feelings on that day, 09-11-2001, before, but I thought I'd just say how much it just was... weird... to know these giant Saltine boxes that were a symbol of American ingenuity, engineering, and icons of our largest city were gone.

Also I'm 44 now.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

The new record


I am not trying to lose weight, I am in fact making sure to eat, knowing that the anti-depressant robs me of appettite, just when you're lazy and just eat fruits and veggies because you don't have to cook them you're accidentally healthy.

I guess this is the feeling doctors have when they expect but find no trace of diabetes in me.  "What, fatty?"

Saturday, August 29, 2015


Instead of watching Tombstone, I am watching the Alex Proyas movie, Knowing.  Nick Cage plays a good drunk, as well as a good alcoholic (there's a difference).

My love seat finally arrived, and it is kind of grounding me.  I just had to order the one color that was new to the line, so it was back-ordered until now because it was so popular.  I guess Oakland doesn't have too many furniture stores, not many choices aside from Salvation Army, if you don't mind lice and bed bugs.

Just having this piece of furniture is making me feel almost normal.  Like I've got my life together finally.  I just went potty and looked at myself in the mirror...  my stress-pimples are disappearing since this morning.  That's kind of extraordinary.   Of course I hope it continues... I'd like to actually go out to a beer bust or something (not that I'd drink much beer because yuck)(unless it's Henry Weinhardt but they don't have that on tap).

Of course, I do not want to get into a relationship.  I'm obviously not good at that.  Or wasn't, I guess, and am scared of trying again and getting burnt.  But a beej isn't outta the question.

Not that that hasn't been repeatedly offered, for some reason.  I just haven't taken anybody up on it.

Tomorrow I have to go to Michael's and get a new vinyl album frame for my FNM vinyl.  I think seeing Dale from afar build his vinyl collection is influencing me to do the same.  I am lucky to live in a city with two Amoeba Records... it will feed any addiction I might have along that route.

Now I think I am going to settle down on the new couch-ish and watch a Godzilla film, after Knowing ends.