Friday, July 7, 2017

Tender Mercies

I understand and accept that we are not normally in control of our dreams, but I really wish one day to learn how to do so.  Besides the obvious (wet dreams, something I still have never achieved even at this age), I could avoid the dreams I had recently.

One involved Voldemort, the guy who first tore my heart out, emotionally abused me every chance he got, and basically turned me from what I was told a "fun guy who could be obnoxiously hilarious but maybe is not for all tastes, and has a good heart" to "constantly sad, depressed, drunk."  I started having dreams about V again recently, as a job opening I was perfect for was near the major city near him.

That sounds like the corny, never-use line for a cover letter.  "I was born for this job!!!"  But I was, in this case.  Everything they asked for, I had in spades.  A great city, one that I love, and would love to live in, with one of the most awesome comic book stores in the world, and one that practically every musical act I'd actually pay to see stops by for every tour.

I didn't even bother applying.  They hired some guy out of Salt Lake, who sucks... not in comparison to me, just plain sucks.  There was a molecularly sufficient chance that I would run into He Who Must Not Be Named, even though I never go to bars anymore, or socialize much.  Even the smallest chance, so I didn't go for the perfect gig.

Soon after the job opening posted, the dreams/nightmares began, of him creeping into my life again.  The one this week, I had some control over.  He talked to me, talked about old times, remarked how much he'd missed me, much like the last time we tried to be friends again.  This time, I ignored him, and did not reply.  It did not frustrate his dream spectre, like I hoped it would, but the point is, I ignored him with contempt and never spoke to him. Probably the most satisfying nightmare I've had, honestly.

The dream last night, however, was not as satisfying.