Thursday, December 21, 2017
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Oh, cock a doodle doo, crazy
While finally seeming to get over this atrocious sickness and being able to cough up some phlegm to clear my lungs, I have noticed that another bit of sputum has decided to rouse its presence.
Hello. Perhaps I didn't make it clear before-- this is a log of the sickness I battle inside my head every day. I do not retract past blog posts... they accurately reflect my feelings at the time, if not now. If I haven't been clear enough, my lifelong attitude has "Want out of my life? I completely understand. If you wish, go. Do not assume you'll be let back in, however."
I don't know why anybody would want to, honestly, so I fail to see how telegraphing me once again is going to accomplish anything. What, am I worried about the Ex? No, he seems happy, good on him. Voldemort? His meth addiction early in his life has probably erased me from his elderly brain as he approaches early senility, so honestly, good on him as well. There is really nobody else who will miss me once I've evacuated this planet, and I'm quite satisfied with where I am today, so... perhaps you need to get a life focusing on bettering yourself? Go play Uno or something with the people who allow you to be around.
Message ends.
Hello. Perhaps I didn't make it clear before-- this is a log of the sickness I battle inside my head every day. I do not retract past blog posts... they accurately reflect my feelings at the time, if not now. If I haven't been clear enough, my lifelong attitude has "Want out of my life? I completely understand. If you wish, go. Do not assume you'll be let back in, however."
I don't know why anybody would want to, honestly, so I fail to see how telegraphing me once again is going to accomplish anything. What, am I worried about the Ex? No, he seems happy, good on him. Voldemort? His meth addiction early in his life has probably erased me from his elderly brain as he approaches early senility, so honestly, good on him as well. There is really nobody else who will miss me once I've evacuated this planet, and I'm quite satisfied with where I am today, so... perhaps you need to get a life focusing on bettering yourself? Go play Uno or something with the people who allow you to be around.
Message ends.
Monday, November 27, 2017
The wyrm is turning
Oh, thank you, livejournal, for returning from the dead to send me emails reminding me of all the wrong decisions I've made with my life. I fully expect an AIM chatbot window to open and ask me if I'd like to come down to the Slade rest area and fuck, now.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
The current regime
The job is a bit surprising. I keep learning new ways to make what starts out sounding ordinary to standing out with subtle effects. I am learning about making music using loop based files, and relied on it heavily for this production I just finished. I am learning that pauses in the scoring can actually strengthen the action and emotion by highlighting one word, or phrase.
I am also finding myself referencing other bits of drama when I'm putting together a show. And it's not just finding sound-alike music I can use... for example, there is a track that is obviously inspired from the Matt Smith-era of Doctor Who. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but then I saw the track's title was "The Ginger Girl," and didn't use it.
BUT I did do a show where I slid in lots of Tarrantino references... all of it completely legal to use, we've got the license... and the one I just finished has a John Carpenter-feel to it. In fact, as I've started using and layering loops for my scores, I'm starting to understand how people like Carpenter and Trent Reznor create their stuff... of course, they really create their stuff, I'm just buying loops and emulating them. But I also bought Acid (now owned by Magix) and am looking to buying Kontakt, as that seems to be the program all the cool kids are using.
I do, however, miss the old days of imaging, of just being able to sample some cool piece of music I heard in a movie... I doubt those days will ever return.
I actually had a whole post I was going to write about the Trump regime after this brief prelude, but I think I'll get back to the shows.
I am also finding myself referencing other bits of drama when I'm putting together a show. And it's not just finding sound-alike music I can use... for example, there is a track that is obviously inspired from the Matt Smith-era of Doctor Who. I thought it was a coincidence at first, but then I saw the track's title was "The Ginger Girl," and didn't use it.
BUT I did do a show where I slid in lots of Tarrantino references... all of it completely legal to use, we've got the license... and the one I just finished has a John Carpenter-feel to it. In fact, as I've started using and layering loops for my scores, I'm starting to understand how people like Carpenter and Trent Reznor create their stuff... of course, they really create their stuff, I'm just buying loops and emulating them. But I also bought Acid (now owned by Magix) and am looking to buying Kontakt, as that seems to be the program all the cool kids are using.
I do, however, miss the old days of imaging, of just being able to sample some cool piece of music I heard in a movie... I doubt those days will ever return.
I actually had a whole post I was going to write about the Trump regime after this brief prelude, but I think I'll get back to the shows.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
That feeling when...
...you are ripping your DVD collection because why not and you find one of your favorite documentaries that you'd last lent to somebody who hung out with your crowd when you didn't want to because you didn't really care for him even if "the crowd" liked him so you lend it and get it back and pack it away until just now when you have to clean it because it looks like he slathered his semen all over the backs of the discs which might not be hyperbole because he was a bit of a slut.
That feeling is EW and it makes me glad for bittorrent.
That feeling is EW and it makes me glad for bittorrent.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Delicious schadenfreude
scha·den·freu·de
ˈSHädənˌfroidə/
noun
- pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune.
I really, really don't normally delight in somebody else's bad luck, really I don't. Unless they have fucked me over for no good reason.
Even Voldemort, and finding that he'd hooked up with somebody in Atlanta who's mental problems went way past my bouts of depression and complex-PTSD... a guy who was seriously mentally ill and could literally not function in society without a dozen medications. (Honestly they didn't help that much anyway.) So when his whole life in Georgia collapsed because he was stupid enough to put a mental patient on the deed to his house, I didn't smirk or laugh. I also didn't feel sorry for him, but that's not schadenfreude.
However, when I got canned in Texas so the new loser boss could hire his drug dealer to do my job, when I heard that toad got canned (as well as his wife, his druggie, all of his staff) I did feel satisfaction. Ten minutes later, however, my then-current boss called to say he'd hired the toad to be my new boss in the new city I'd moved to. Ouch.
However, this won't be a repeat of that. The boss with the most idiotic sideburns (apparently wanting to be a Flash villain or something) was canned last month and is hosting a vlog where he is going to document his journey to find a new job. It's hosted on a domain he registered for the last time his incompetence got his ass canned.
He registered a domain high-lighting this. AND KEPT IT REGISTERED TIL HE GOT CANNED AGAIN.
So, yes, I am going to be childish and relish this schadenfreude sandwich. Was it because he fired me? Partly. But it was mostly because he never actually intended to give me a chance. I'd rather he have been up front with it if that was going to be the case. I'm a big boy, I've been through the washer before, I just need to know if I need to re-up my lease for the apartment.
Meanwhile.
I do have a well paying job now. I will be basically full-time employed, working from home, producing extremely fun podcasts with a growing company. I CAN DO MY JOB IN MY UNDERWEAR IF I WANT HOW COOL IS THAT. Speaking of, gotta get back to work.
Friday, July 7, 2017
Tender Mercies
I understand and accept that we are not normally in control of our dreams, but I really wish one day to learn how to do so. Besides the obvious (wet dreams, something I still have never achieved even at this age), I could avoid the dreams I had recently.
One involved Voldemort, the guy who first tore my heart out, emotionally abused me every chance he got, and basically turned me from what I was told a "fun guy who could be obnoxiously hilarious but maybe is not for all tastes, and has a good heart" to "constantly sad, depressed, drunk." I started having dreams about V again recently, as a job opening I was perfect for was near the major city near him.
That sounds like the corny, never-use line for a cover letter. "I was born for this job!!!" But I was, in this case. Everything they asked for, I had in spades. A great city, one that I love, and would love to live in, with one of the most awesome comic book stores in the world, and one that practically every musical act I'd actually pay to see stops by for every tour.
I didn't even bother applying. They hired some guy out of Salt Lake, who sucks... not in comparison to me, just plain sucks. There was a molecularly sufficient chance that I would run into He Who Must Not Be Named, even though I never go to bars anymore, or socialize much. Even the smallest chance, so I didn't go for the perfect gig.
Soon after the job opening posted, the dreams/nightmares began, of him creeping into my life again. The one this week, I had some control over. He talked to me, talked about old times, remarked how much he'd missed me, much like the last time we tried to be friends again. This time, I ignored him, and did not reply. It did not frustrate his dream spectre, like I hoped it would, but the point is, I ignored him with contempt and never spoke to him. Probably the most satisfying nightmare I've had, honestly.
The dream last night, however, was not as satisfying.
One involved Voldemort, the guy who first tore my heart out, emotionally abused me every chance he got, and basically turned me from what I was told a "fun guy who could be obnoxiously hilarious but maybe is not for all tastes, and has a good heart" to "constantly sad, depressed, drunk." I started having dreams about V again recently, as a job opening I was perfect for was near the major city near him.
That sounds like the corny, never-use line for a cover letter. "I was born for this job!!!" But I was, in this case. Everything they asked for, I had in spades. A great city, one that I love, and would love to live in, with one of the most awesome comic book stores in the world, and one that practically every musical act I'd actually pay to see stops by for every tour.
I didn't even bother applying. They hired some guy out of Salt Lake, who sucks... not in comparison to me, just plain sucks. There was a molecularly sufficient chance that I would run into He Who Must Not Be Named, even though I never go to bars anymore, or socialize much. Even the smallest chance, so I didn't go for the perfect gig.
Soon after the job opening posted, the dreams/nightmares began, of him creeping into my life again. The one this week, I had some control over. He talked to me, talked about old times, remarked how much he'd missed me, much like the last time we tried to be friends again. This time, I ignored him, and did not reply. It did not frustrate his dream spectre, like I hoped it would, but the point is, I ignored him with contempt and never spoke to him. Probably the most satisfying nightmare I've had, honestly.
The dream last night, however, was not as satisfying.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Job Search
The job search continues.
Since January, I have been producing podcast dramas for a company out of Los Angeles. This is incredibly fun. It seems I am good at pacing my music, dialogue, and sound effects, which is something I knew already, but is a quiet different beast when it's a podcast production where the final product is anywhere from one hour to two hours long. It pays pretty decent, considering it's really just part time and I'm pretty much producing in my skivvies in my brother's house.
They are a growing company. It is possible that they might eventually hire me full-time, but whether I'd want to live in Los Angeles, much less the west coast again, is not something I've thought of much.
Another job lead would allow me to also work from home, but it's not something I can talk about in a way that I can't even talk about why I can't talk about it. But it, coupled with my ongoing podcast project, would keep me from having to uproot everything again, and would solve any financial hardships coming my way.
There are other opportunities, but I am loathe to discuss them as I'm sure my stalker still monitors any and everything I do. I really don't understand that guy. There's nothing remotely interesting or attractive about me to that degree, nothing that would make anybody in their right mind want to stalk me. And there we go--that's the answer. He's not in his right mind. Luckily, everybody still in Texas is aware of this.
I am of course not superstitious, but it seems to me when as many job opportunities as have arisen in the last month pop up, all at the same time, it usually means one of those is meant for me. Four possibilities I have applied for would allow me to work from home. Three would require me to move, again... Texas (ugh no, not because of PityPartySadfaceStalker, but because Houston, ick), Florida (not really my bag but I'd be working with an old boss, which would be cool), and... St. Louis.
So I don't know how to feel about that last one.
But I do have a full-time (if temp) job lined up for a few months starting in a couple of weeks. It would be tedious, but it would get me straight with my finances.
I should have just learned computer coding. Seems any idiot with fully functioning fingers can do that (even when they're addicted to meth). Anyway.
Back to work.
Since January, I have been producing podcast dramas for a company out of Los Angeles. This is incredibly fun. It seems I am good at pacing my music, dialogue, and sound effects, which is something I knew already, but is a quiet different beast when it's a podcast production where the final product is anywhere from one hour to two hours long. It pays pretty decent, considering it's really just part time and I'm pretty much producing in my skivvies in my brother's house.
They are a growing company. It is possible that they might eventually hire me full-time, but whether I'd want to live in Los Angeles, much less the west coast again, is not something I've thought of much.
Another job lead would allow me to also work from home, but it's not something I can talk about in a way that I can't even talk about why I can't talk about it. But it, coupled with my ongoing podcast project, would keep me from having to uproot everything again, and would solve any financial hardships coming my way.
There are other opportunities, but I am loathe to discuss them as I'm sure my stalker still monitors any and everything I do. I really don't understand that guy. There's nothing remotely interesting or attractive about me to that degree, nothing that would make anybody in their right mind want to stalk me. And there we go--that's the answer. He's not in his right mind. Luckily, everybody still in Texas is aware of this.
I am of course not superstitious, but it seems to me when as many job opportunities as have arisen in the last month pop up, all at the same time, it usually means one of those is meant for me. Four possibilities I have applied for would allow me to work from home. Three would require me to move, again... Texas (ugh no, not because of PityPartySadfaceStalker, but because Houston, ick), Florida (not really my bag but I'd be working with an old boss, which would be cool), and... St. Louis.
So I don't know how to feel about that last one.
But I do have a full-time (if temp) job lined up for a few months starting in a couple of weeks. It would be tedious, but it would get me straight with my finances.
I should have just learned computer coding. Seems any idiot with fully functioning fingers can do that (even when they're addicted to meth). Anyway.
Back to work.
Monday, March 6, 2017
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