Grab'em by the Puss N' Boots

Okay well this was weird.

One of my audio dramas deals with the real, original versions of fairy tales.  Not my favorite, I'd rather do the crime ones.  Anyway, so neither of my brothers' dogs have ever paid attention at recorded dog barks... or recorded animal noises in general.  With Leo, I assume it's because he's too smart, with Barbarella… well, once in a while her ears will perk up, but usually she ignores it too.

Imagine my surprise when I am piecing together the true fable of the above cat's namesake and I start delving into my cat sound effects and Zoey comes upstairs.  Her coming upstairs is not unusual, as that's where the litter box is, but her just sitting and watching me produce is very weird.  Which she was doing.  

"What?" I said when I noticed.  She responded immediately with a pathetic mew.

And then she wouldn't leave.  This is not normal behavior for her.  Usually she just notices me when the food has run out.  Now while I'm using all these purrrrs and yelps and mews and hisses, she can't get enough of me.

Do cats have a language?  Did she think I was making these noises?  Oh shit!  What if these cats were talking about killing the guy who recorded them, does Zoey now think I need an assisted suicide?  I'm lucky Rosie wasn't in the house, she'd have probably readied a hypo of furniture polish for me.

Eventually she seemed to go away, as I used fewer cat effects, and I cleaned up and was getting up to leave when I hear her deep purring beneath the desk.  I looked and she was laid out like a right strumpet, like Rose in the Titanic movie all naked for Leo DeCaprio.  

I want you to draw me like one of your French cats, Ken.  Wearing this.  Wearing only this.  Meaning her butt-hole, which I could see.

I got up to leave and I get to the door and meow! I turn around and she's following me!  Does she think I can talk cat or something?  Does she think I am some kind of cat god now?  I AM BAST-ET OF EGYPT AND I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD TO LICK BUTT-HOLES AND SUE NEIL GAIMAN FOR LIBEL.  AND I'M ALL OUT OF BUTT-HOLES.

Eventually I tricked her to go outside.  Now I am worried that I am trapped in a poorly written fiction where a guy learns how to speak cat and it turns out all they talk about is who's got the FIV and old boyfriends and of course licking butt-holes, and that's all I'll hear the rest of my life.