Here we are again, at the edge of a precipice, wondering what comes next.
Some people have no problem with failure. No problem with turning their back on the past. I've never understood just giving up on somebody. Even when I get all my proverbial ducks lined up and quacking, I always know they're there, shitting on the lawn. (If you've never dealt with ducks, yeah, they shit a lot. Everywhere.)
Today somebody calls me about a job. Tomorrow somebody calls me about another job. And later in the week, a third prospect should be telling me something.
Right now I'm in full on depression mode and completely expecting each one to tell me that they've decided to move in a different direction. See, this is the first time in this sort of situation, where I have no idea what's next for me. When I left the gig in Boston, I knew what I would do: take time off, move back home, beg Lexington for a job until they gave it to me, then start all over and work my way up again, which was going according to plan until they let me go in Dayton.
The crushing thing is that I had really gotten my life in a good pattern and was holding it on task, and when it became obvious to me that going off anti-depression meds was a mistake, I was ready to get right back on them, because I wanted to stay on the healthy path I'd gotten on... then I got canned the next day. I'd been doing a good job, but was let go due to just restructuring (which is code for we're going to pay a part-timer half what we pay you to do the same job.)
So I've been approached a few times, and sometimes told I'm too qualified, which makes me want to snap a neck and point out that my rent doesn't think I'm too qualified, but what ever. I've gotten close a few times, only to lose out to somebody with "pipes" or who lives closer or meets EOE requirements. So these three are knocking on my door.
I completely expect one to tell me they are moving in a different direction, meaning probably using a service. I expect another to tell me they're just going with another person. And the third? Haven't even talked to them yet. They'll probably just talk to me on the phone. I really wouldn't want to work there, though, too physically close to somebody it's not a good idea for me to be around.
This sounds like my regular pessimistic attitude in play, but it's not. I know that because if the lack of acne. Yes, it turns out that my cause of adult acne was most likely stress. Stress from losing my dad, my partner, my job, and moving home thinking of myself as a failure in life. So, all three of these jobs would be fine for me... all three would get me back in the game. Only one that I really want, though, because it forces me to make changes that I'm unsure I'd commit to otherwise. That, and I'd excel in the position as well. And I'm pretty sure I'd have a blast working with my boss there too.
Just, with my luck... but I know I'm best for the gig. I will just cross my fingers and hope for good news today.
If the news isn't good, maybe it's time to go up to my cousin's and let him get drunk for me again. I felt kind of chastised doing that... "Oh, so this is why people don't want me drinking. From the other side, it's irritating." Gotta admit the Mango-ritas were yummy though.
My next post will be cautiously hopeful or downright depressing... I'm hoping for the former.
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