Thursday, June 5, 2014

[REDACTED]...the Next Next Generation

Just had a dust-up sissyfight slapfest on facebook with a former colleague turned flaming retard uber-conservative ultra-right dickless asshole, and discovered a job opening might be possible soon in a pretty big market I'm very familiar with.  The problem is, I'm not sure of whether I should take it, if it becomes available.

There's nothing wrong with Dayton, aside from being pretty boring.  Which it is.  The nerds here have an odd fixation on gaming, like, CCD and Warhammer and all that stuff.  Never seen that before.  It's paying my bills and I'm getting back out of debt.  Commercial production is boring but I'm good at it.

But also, I don't really have any friends up here.  I had a problem with a lot of the friends from my past and haven't really made any here,  I'd like to say I'm shy, and that would be true, but I know the real reason is because I'm scared of failure, again.

In fact, I'm so scared of failure that I routinely turn down offers for random sex.  I don't know what has happened recently, perhaps it's my growing my daddybear beard out, but I get messages much more than I ever have in years.  Usually I just ignore them and don't respond.  When I do, nothing ever happens.  I don't know why.  I used to be an absolute horn-dog.  So even the probable dating pool increase doesn't really sway me.  

I guess I know that deep inside I am craving affection like I used to get from Dale, but after failing him I don't feel like I deserve even sex, much less a relatinship or even friendship with anybody.  So this possible job probably wouldn't change that.

I still don't know what I'd do if this becomes real.  Maybe I'll be lucky, and they'd try to low-ball me and I'd not have to actually think about it much to turn them down.  I'm just worried that they would offer me enough to tempt me.

I like living close to home.  That's the best thing about Dayton.  

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