Great.

I've spent so much time in the past year and a half getting sober and healthy.  I switched from Captain Morgan's to Henry Weinhard beer when it was made available here.  That is when things started to change for the better for me.  I could have a beer and sleep... I wasn't a drunk anymore.  Too little too late.  Then one weekend, frustrated after learning that he had already been in a relationship this whole time we were talking... That's all it took for the dangerous activity to start back up.  Hating myself, hating what I became.  Looking for something to hurt me, because that's always great.

The one good thing I can say about this experience was it made me reach out to others.  I've actually gone on dates.  A new friend came over last night and stayed, making sure I took my meds and listening to my words.  He helped check my blood pressure twice.  A little high, but nothing to worry about.  He held me when I didn't want to be held.  I told him I was a bad person, he said he didn't believe me.  I told him I'd wind up hurting him.  He promised he wouldn't let me hurt him or myself.  We went to bed and he told me I was good.  I started to believe him.  I trusted him.

We woke early and I took him home.  He wants to hang out more often.  I do too.  If he'll make time for me.

So maybe something good did happen.