Scar Tissue

The First Step

You have choices, and they can be good or bad.  Usually it's easy to tell which one it will be beforehand, unless you make it a habit of lying to yourself.  I know I am already a creature of habits, so the best idea for me to make important life changes is to take away my ability to make those choices.  And that is why, for the first time since I was eighteen years old, I have purchased shoes that are not Chuck Taylors (above).

Sometimes a bitch is just a bitch.

Well I'm pretty sure I'm on the cusp of a seismic shift (literally) in my life, but more about that later.  Probably nothing about it until the new year.  But it will be a very new change, so I've started the lifestyle changes, to be ahead of the curve.

Enough about that, it will come to fruition soon.  Today I'm all about accepting reality.  Most people can't.  I certainly couldn't, even when I could.  That is to say, I accepted it, but changing a bad reality to a good one isn't as easy as changing light bulbs.

If somebody tells you that you drink too much, there's a good chance they don't mean "as compared to me," but that you actually drink too much. Doesn't mean you're an alcoholic--you could just be a drunk, which is a little more pathetic.

If you're willing to suck off some guy you don't even know the first time you get together with him, and you get offended by somebody calling you a slut, well, you shouldn't.  That's pretty slutty behavior, no matter which role you're playing.   Just own up to it.

And consider the possibility that, if you must constantly deny being a bitch, that possibly you are in fact a bitch.  Qualifiers like "I just tell unpopular truths" and "I'm not rude, I just have the balls to say it" are completely glossing over the fact that being a bitch does not mean being a liar, it means, whether you're telling the truth or a lie, you're being a cunt about it.  There are plenty of ways to tell an unpopular truth without snark or sass or attitude, and if you're hurting people's feelings enough that you need to constantly defend yourself, maybe your detractors actually have a point.

It might not be that you have the balls to say something, but that you don't have the brains to say it without hurting somebody's feelings.  Granted, sometimes people need their feelings hurt to get a message across, and sometimes a shock to the system with a big dose of reality is necessary.  But if you are constantly defending yourself, it's entirely possible that the problem isn't how other people react to your attitude, it's your attitude itself.

The problem isn't just that you're a bitch, it's that you're a bitch in denial.

Having been in one of these positions before, and gotten myself out of it (seemingly), I can say it's much better to just admit what you are than pretend to be what you aren't.  At least the dignity you feel from admitting real faults isn't trolling for sympathy, which is usually the case with people who shuffle their toes back and forth in the dirt saying, "Pobody's nerfect."

Anyway.  That's how it has always looked to me.  But hey, nobody's perfect.  Maybe the problem is actually with me.