Monday, August 4, 2014


I set out Sunday like I usually have these past weeks... to buy some liquor.  Halfway there, I decided I didn't need it, and I needed to just go home and take Benadryl and go to sleep, since that's what I really wanted.  I fell asleep on the couch, not sneezing or leaking mucous like I do from allergies now, but drooling and leaving a huge stain that will be hard to explain to my cousin when he comes to help me move at the end of the month.  Maybe I can just flip the cushions over.

Today, again, without even thinking, I set out to buy booze, and turned back half-way there.  I didn't need it.  It was just reflex.

Am I no longer a drunk?  I don't like that thought, because the stigma that comes with being a drunk is important to keep me from drinking, much like alcoholism.  (I should note that I do not consider myself an alcoholic, because alcoholics should be pitied because they really can't function without drinking.  Drunks can, because they are consciously choosing to drink, and should not be pitied.)  I think I am still just a drunk, maybe just on hold.  I wonder if I can make it to the end of my lease, strangely on September 11th.

That was one thing that made me happy.  I told Dave about when my lease was up, and he remembered my birthday.  Dale didn't remember, until he saw birthday wishes on Facebook, or at least it seemed that way.  Maybe it was just circumstantial.

But still, I am not built for unemployment.  I need to

Well.  I was going to say, I need to find a job that keeps me creative, but I'm not sure how much I care about that anymore.  The Amazon call-center just requires you be able to type.  Twelve bucks an hour, plus benefits.  I kind of would rather do that, to be honest.

Anyway.  I need to make a new demo tonight.  Talking to a couple of people tomorrow and I want something fresh to show them.

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